didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize