dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
