The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I came so hard my ears popped.
My feet surprised me
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
