saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
