onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
