i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
