I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
