my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
