Don't you send me to vm
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
