hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
