can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
