Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
