do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
