I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
