Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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