we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
