I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
