That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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