I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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