So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
