Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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