There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
