I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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