i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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