He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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