i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
