They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
