it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
