Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
