I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
