So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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