I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
