Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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