Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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