Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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