After last night, I could never be a politician.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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