AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
What drink are we having for lunch?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
