my sisters under your porch take her home
We got so high we made milksteak
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
