I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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