He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
