She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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