if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
