Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
