I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
