She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you remember whose house we're in?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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