how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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