Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
