so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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