I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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