I look better un-naked...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
