Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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