Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
