I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you traded sex for a burrito?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
