The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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