I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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