i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
