I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
