I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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