dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
